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ISSUE #329 - 10-Nov-2021

Newsletter

Here are the new Things To Think About that have been contributed since the last update:

If a hospital runs out of maternity nurses would that be a mid-wife crisis?

Isn’t it true that you should never lie to an x-ray technician because they can see right through you?

What’s the point of acupuncture?

When you get a bladder infection, are ur-ine trouble?

Do you ever wonder if the nurse who smiles when things go wrong is probably going off duty?

Shouldn’t you always be kind to nurses? They are the ones that choose your catheter size, aren’t they?

Do doctors laugh at x-rays of arms because they find them humerus?

In the Serious Burns Unit of a hospital do they read Auld Lang Syne and similar poems?

Wouldn’t it be an easy career move from installing air conditioning units to being a CIO? Both jobs are all about losing efficiency when people start opening windows, right?

If you poured beer over your garden before planting the lawn, would the grass come up half cut?

Was the Roman Empire cut in half with a pair of Caesars?

At a taxi driver reunion, would everyone turn up half an hour late?

If you bred a messenger pigeon with a woodpecker, would it not only deliver a message but wouldn’t it knock the door when it gets there?

Wouldn’t the speed of heat be faster than the speed of cold? After all, you can catch the cold, right?

If the weather is really hot would cows give evaporated milk?

When tradesmen install kitchen work surfaces can they be arrested for counter fitting?

If you install Windows 32 bit twice, then will it be a 64 bit OS?

How come on a microwave, if you press 1 min and add 1 min it will cook for 2 min, but if you enter 60 sec and add 60 sec it will only cook for 1 min and 20 sec? Isn’t there only 60 sec in 1 min?

Exactly where is the “any” key on a keyboard?

How come when you get 98 windows on your computer, you only get 1? Where are the other 97 windows?

Isn’t Education just the ability to listen to almost anything without losing your temper or your self-confidence?

Do people who bite the hand that feeds them usually lick the boot that kicks them?

Why do people love to talk but hate to listen?

Where does a thought go when it's forgotten?

If we need to follow rules at all costs, then why do we make exceptions to these rules?

Isn’t good health just a slower rate at which to die?

If a person dies at sea and only their arm is recovered, how would they be displayed in a casket? Does it need to be a full sized casket?

If a vampire bites a zombie, does the zombie become a vampire or does the vampire become a zombie?

Why do we base our age off of the number of times we went around a burning ball of gas?

Isn’t the word ‘queue’ just the letter Q followed by four silent letters?

What would a room made of mirrors look like if there was nothing inside that room to create a reflection?

If a cyclops were to close its eye, is it winking or blinking?

Is it possible to stand backwards on a flight of stairs?

How do you grow a seedless fruit?

If you told someone to ‘be a leader and not a follower’, wouldn’t they become a follower by following your advice?

If everyone says that life is unfair, doesn’t that mean that life is fair?

If you hate haters, does that make you a hater and will you hate yourself?

What would happen if Pinocchio said ‘My nose will grow now’?

If the fountain of youth can make you live forever, can you drown in it and still die?

Why do they say that you have a cold when your temperature goes up?

Do caterpillars know that they’re going to be butterflies or do they build the cocoon not knowing what will happen?

Is there such a thing as inherently bad knowledge? Or is all knowledge value neutral?

Does the right to “bear arms” give you the right to own a drone that is armed?

Why is it called sunset and not sundown?

How can a closed brain inside our skull ever be called an open mind?

Is daydreaming at night possible?

If two left-handed individuals fight, who comes out as right?

Why is it said screaming on top of your lungs when we use our mouth to scream?

Why are roads less traveled but not paths?

Who said the Ranchers were jolly enough to be called ‘Jolly Ranchers’?

Is Orion’s belt in the solar system a big waist of space?

Do they have a conductor on electric buses?

Do you feel disappointed when your Christmas tree lights go out more than you do at Christmas?

Is Dracula’s favourite type of coffee Decoffinated?

Aren’t Whiteboards remarkable?

Do ghosts dance to Soul Music?

Isn’t Dentistry such a depressing job? They are always looking down in the mouth, right?

Has Sweden’s credit rating changed from AAA to ABBA?

Aren’t there just 10 types of people in the world.?Those that understand binary, and those who do not, right?

Would the best way to get in touch with long lost relatives be to win the lottery?

Why can’t we be like Stamps? They sit in the corner and do nothing all day and somehow still travel all over the world, right?

Do nurses have bad days because they won't stop needling people?

Does a nurse’s advice on Q-tips go in one ear and out the other?

Do they really remove the liver when a hospital de-livers a baby?

When healthcare workers inform a patient that they have a-cute appendix, whose appendix are they comparing it to?

Are nurses always so calm because of patients?

Is the main commonality between a nurse and an elf that works at the North Pole, the fact that both of them work the whole year, but another person gets all the credit?

Smoking and Bacon will kill you, right? So how come smoking bacon will cure it?

Are claustrophobic people more productive thinking outside of the box?

If you crossed a sheep and a goat that eats tin cans, would you get back steel wool?

If you cover a sheep with chocolate would you get a candy baa?

If you cross an angry sheep with a moody cow would you get an animal that’s in a baaaaaaaad mooooooood?

Do sheep get haircuts at a baa-baa-shop?

Is it true that sheep can’t get covid because they have herd immunity?

Isn’t Graduation just an event where you trade the agony of writing term papers for the agony of writing resumes?

When they hand you your diploma at Graduation shouldn’t you keep moving? Just in case they try to take it back, right?

Commencement speeches were invented largely in the belief that outgoing college students should never be released into the world until they have been properly sedated?

Isn’t Graduation a ritual event where they award you a diploma, in the hope that you have learned enough to be able to read it?

Isn’t the road to success dotted with many tempting parking spaces?

How come the richer you get, the more expensive happiness becomes?

If at first you don’t succeed, shouldn’t you find out if the loser gets anything?

Isn’t experience the only school from which no one graduates?

You know that point at your graduation ceremony where everyone tosses up their caps? Isn’t it great that we all celebrate how smart we are by throwing sharp pointy objects in the air?


Take Care and Keep Thinking,
Don Fowler, A Gadzillion Things To Think About
Send Contributions to: don#sol-3.ca