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ISSUE #326 - 25-Nov-2020

Newsletter

Here are the new Things To Think About that have been contributed since the last update:

If you get salmon-ella poisoning from hamburger, can you get hamburger-ella poisoning from salmon?

Why do Americans have their own spelling for ‘litre’ if they don’t use the metric system?

Why do Canadian fast food restaurants go out of their way to tell you that they only use Canadian beef but they don’t mention where the bacon comes from?

If religion is real, then why is it called a belief?

If time is money, then is an ATM a time machine?

If girls say that all boys are the same, then why are they picky?

If you download a movie in Jamaica illegally, would you be the Pirate of the Caribbean?

Why is it called cell division when cells actually multiply?

If Mac users care more about the environment than Windows users, then why do Macs have a trash can and Windows a recycle bin?

If swearing is immature then why is it referred to as ‘Adult Language’?

Why is it that people who can’t count to ten are always in front of you in the supermarket express lane?

Is a yawn the only time when some married men ever get to open their mouth?

Isn’t experience the name men give to their mistakes?

Is a Conference Room a place where everybody talks, nobody listens, and everybody disagrees later?

Is a politician one who shakes your hand before elections and your confidence later?

Would the phrase ‘Don’t kid yourself’ be a great slogan for a condom company?

If only God can judge us then doesn’t Santa have some explaining to do?

If you see an Apple store get robbed, does that make you an iWitness?

If Apple were to ever make a car, would it have Windows?

If someone dies in a hospital and becomes a ghost, will they spend their time on Earth in one of those ungodly hospital gowns?

Do milking stools only have three legs because the cow has the udder?

Isn’t Mount Rushmore the only rock group where none of them sing?

If you put root beer into a square glass, would it just be beer?

If everybody was happy in a relationship, would there be any good music?

Is it the S or the C that is silent in the word ‘scent’?

If two mind readers read each other’s minds, whose mind are they really reading?

If your shirt isn’t tucked into your pants, are your pants tucked into your shirt?

Sure it’s a cruel world out there, but where else is there to go?

Is an honest politician one who stays bought?

Doesn’t an apple a day keep anyone away, if you throw it hard enough at them?

If the kitchen cleaner package says ‘For a clean kitchen’, can I use it if my kitchen is dirty?

If the problem nowadays is stupidity, then why don’t we just take the safety labels off everything and see what happens?

Why, when Google Earth gives you the ability to go see anywhere in the world, do we look at our own house?

If there are 24 hours a day, when is night?

Why do most people think that they are better than they are?

What would life be like if everything were free?

What does a recovering alcoholic priest who is on the wagon do about communion wine?

Do pro-lifers eat eggs for breakfast?

Why is it that football is so important to so many people despite the fact that the outcome of any given game (like all other sports) has absolutely no impact on the day to day lives of its fans?

Why does it matter if athletes take performance-enhancing drugs, while nobody seems to care if artists do?

Do animals get bored?

How tall does a cliff have to be to be classified as a cliff?

If my neighbour flies his camera-equipped drone over my garden, am I entitled to shoot it down?

Why are the Conservatives happy to be called ‘Tory’ and ‘The Tory Party’, when the word means ‘outlaw, robber, or brigand’?

What is the difference between ‘Eu!’ and ‘Ugh!’?

Don’t you know that you are getting old when everything either dries up or leaks?

When did ‘Free’ get so expensive?

Why doesn’t the hair on your arms grow as fast as the hair on your head?

Who was in the kitchen with Dina?

What is a hacky, and why is it in a sack?

If your ancestors are so hard to find, could they have been in a witness protection program?

Eventually, don’t all genealogists come to their census?

Are genealogists the only people who are excited to read obituaries?

Isn’t genealogy where the answer to one problem leads to two more?

Should cemeteries be called ancestor farms?

Why is it that only a genealogist views a step backwards as progress?

Did your ancestors have bad heir days?

If you shook your family tree would any nuts fall out?

Isn’t genealogy all about chasing your own tale?

Are Genealogists time travelers?

Isn’t Genealogy, in the end, all relative?

Aren’t all grandparents great grandparents?

Can a first cousin once removed be returned?

Have you ever thought that maybe plants are really farming us, giving us oxygen until we eventually expire and turn into mulch which they can consume?

How come Theme Parks can snap a crystal clear picture of you on a roller coaster at 70 mph, but bank cameras can't get a clear shot of a robber standing still?

Why is it that lawyers hope you get sued, doctors hope you get sick, cops hope you're criminal, mechanics hope you have car trouble, but only a thief wishes prosperity for you?

Why is it that tall people are expected to use their reach to help shorter people, but if a tall person were to ask a short person to hand them something they dropped on the floor it'd be insulting?

Do you realize that Aliens invaded our Moon on July 20th, 1969?

How come when you say 'Forward' or 'Back', your lips move in those directions?

When a company offers you a better price after you cancel their subscription, aren’t they're just admitting they were overcharging you?

Vehicles today can surf the web, link to your phone, stream music and videos, right?. So how come they still can't perform a simple database lookup to tell you what the check engine light is on for?

Shouldn’t there be a millennial edition of Monopoly where you just walk round the board paying rent, never able to buy anything?

If your dog understands several human words and you don’t understand any dog barks, does that mean your dog may be smarter than you?

How come we mostly use our driver's license to buy stuff that impairs our ability to drive?

Don’t you think it’s sad that having real ingredients in food products is a selling point?

How come April Fool's Day is the one day of the year when people critically evaluate news articles before accepting them as true?

Aren’t taxes just a subscription to your Country that you can't cancel, no matter how bad the service gets?

Isn’t it odd that when Sweden is playing Denmark, it is SWE-DEN and the remaining letters, not used, is DEN-MARK?

Shouldn’t car horns only be allowed to be in pitches C, E, and G, so whenever two people honk at the same time it will be in harmony and traffic jams will sound like symphonies?

Doesn’t an ‘unlimited minutes per month’ phone plan really only give you 44,640 minutes per month at best?

Aren’t Scientists just adult kids stuck in the ‘why phase’?

Can you imagine how terrifying fire would be if it wasn't a light source?

Wouldn’t a true mad scientist only destroy half of the Earth? Since the other half is the control group, right?

How come in normal English, ‘execute’ and ‘kill’ are synonyms, but on a computer, they're antonyms?

Doesn’t the word ‘FAT’ just look like someone took a bite out of the first letter of the word ‘EAT’?

Do you ever wonder what your dog named you?

In the final analysis, nobody alive is completely useless, right? Don’t they at least produce carbon dioxide that plants need to grow?

Wouldn’t putting zombies on treadmills provide a wonderful source of green, sustainable energy?

When a doctor takes a sick day, do they have to bring in a doctor's note to their boss?

Why can’t you unselect a floor in an elevator after you've pushed the button?

If a nation would collectively elect to be ruled by a dictator, then technically the dictatorship would be a democracy, right?

The light of the moon is just a reflection of the sun, right? So how come vampires don’t burn in the night?

Don’t light switches also work as dark switches?

Did Yankee Doodle name the feather, hat, town, or his pony, Macaroni?

How come whenever you start to sing, you automatically sing in a higher voice than you talk?

You know the saying ‘throw your hands in the air like you don't care’? Why bother doing that if you don't care?

Where do flies go at night?

Have you noticed that all the people in favor of birth control are already born?

To be sure of hitting the target, should you shoot first, and call whatever you hit the target?

Have you considered that while your opinions may have changed, the fact that you’re right hasn’t?

How come people like Facebook so much? In the past, wasn’t seeing pictures of peoples vacations considered a punishment?

Isn’t the best machine at the gym the vending machine?

Is Political Correctness just tyranny with manners?

Were high heels invented by a woman who had been kissed on the forehead?

Isn’t it a scientific fact that your body will not absorb cholesterol if you take it from another person’s plate?


Take Care and Keep Thinking,
Don Fowler, A Gadzillion Things To Think About
Send Contributions to: don@sol-3.ca