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ISSUE #324 - 21-Jun-2018

Newsletter

Here are the new Things To Think About that have been contributed since the last update:

Why do fast food stores have signs that read “Open 24 Hours Daily”? Aren’t they also open Nightly?

If chocolate is the answer, who cares what the question is?

Have you ever wondered what happens to Oscar the Grouch on garbage day?

Do people who live on the beach use a picture of an office for a screensaver?

In the Wizard of Oz, all pictures show it under the rainbow, right? So why does the song say “over” the rainbow?

Why do Americans refer to the USA as a “her” but then have “Uncle Sam” as a logo?

Do you really want to shake hands with a veterinarian? Where has that hand been?

Isn’t retirement just the time when you never do all those things you said you wanted to do if you only had the time?

If your boss tells you to have a good day, should you go home?

If you think about it, when people talk behind your back, doesn’t that mean that you are two steps ahead of them?

Doesn’t everyone like cooking? Especially if it’s done by a chef at one of the better restaurants in town, right?

Does a fad go in one era and out the other?

Why are cranberry cans upside down?

In football, if a Running Back doesn’t run, are they penalized?

How thick can a soup be before it becomes a stew?

If time is infinite, why is there never enough of it?

If you crossed a vampire and a teacher, would you get lots of blood tests?

Would a vampire ever have a steak sandwich for lunch?

If Dracula had a pet dog, would he choose a bloodhound?

Do skeletons order spare ribs at a restaurant?

Why is it that when you get out of a swimming pool, your urine is hotter when you use the restroom?

Can it be cloudy and foggy at the same time?

Can a fire truck park in the fire lane?

If you swallow a burp does it turn into a fart?

Do Jewish vampires avoid crosses or Stars of David?

Can you still say "Put it where the sun don't shine " on a nude beach?

If someone's peeing and halfway through they die, would they keep pissing or stop?

Are people who are allergic to nuts allergic to coconuts too?

Can a person with no ears wear glasses?

If you rented a movie and were late returning it and then you died would someone you knew or a family member have to pay the late fee?

If you made biscuits with chocolate milk instead of regular milk, would they taste chocolaty?

How come lotion is colored, but when you put it on, it doesn't turn your skin that color?

Isn't it weird that all year round your parents tell you not to play with fire, but on Independence Day they hand you a package of explosives, a lighter, and say 'have fun'?

Why do cats like to dig their paws into something before they lay down on it?

If French kissing is a big thing in America, how do French people react to normal American kissing?

Do bubbles freeze in winter?

What sound does a bunny make?

If you had only one hand, would second hand smoking effect you?

Do suicide hotlines have hold?

Have you ever wondered why in the 1500's nude photos/painting were art, while today it's pornography?

If you are old then you have wrinkles, right? So if you are in a bathtub how would you know if you have been in there too long?

If you can see your breath outside on a cold day, could you see your fart?

If you wear contact lenses and you died with them in your eyes, do they take them out? And if so, what do they do with them?

Where is the thin line in history that suddenly turns grave robbery into archaeology?

Why do we say “hair” when we mean lots of hair and “hairs” when we only mean a few?

Aren’t bullets the only things on Earth that do their job after they’ve been fired?

Is it possible for anybody to be in an empty room?

How come if you put one lasagna on top of another one, you still have just one lasagna?

Why do we say “ladies and gentlemen” starting with ladies first, whereas the phrase “boys and girls” starts with boys?

If you have drug addicts for neighbours, wouldn’t every mosquito be like a dirty needle?

Why don’t your lips touch when you say the word “touch” but they do touch when you say the word “separate”?

If prunes are dried-up plums then can prune juice really exist? Where does the juice come from?

Aren’t belts the most disgusting item of clothing? People always touch their belt after they have used the bathroom, right? Have you ever seen anyone wash their belt?

Why do we always say that we look up to the stars? Since the Earth is round we could actually be looking down, couldn't we?

Why are we more careful driving a car when there is food on the passenger seat than when there is a human being there?

What name would your dog choose for you?

Do our stomachs believe that all potatoes are mashed potatoes?

Shouldn’t there be a button on every TV that would make the remote beep?

Don’t horror movies become much less scary if you support the bad guy?

Why is a stick only called a stick when it has been unstuck from a tree?

Don’t we all have puke in our stomachs?

What if your dog realized that you contain loads of bones?

How confused were the first parents ever to have identical twins?

Did the lobsters in the Titanic’s kitchen think it was a true miracle when the Titanic sank?

Are those who sneeze a lot, the most blessed?

What does dirty talk look like in sign language?

The devil shakes a pitchfork, right? And doesn't the grim reaper swing a scythe? So is farming a big thing in the underworld?

When a pregnant woman takes a bath, does she become a human submarine?

If snails and slugs are so slow, how come nobody sees them coming?

Have you ever wondered if the spider you killed in your bedroom lived its whole life thinking that it was your roommate and died wondering what brought on your psychotic mood?

Isn’t “sweater” a pretty disgusting name for a piece of clothing?

Wouldn’t it be nice if the car navigation voice would get more and more excited as you’d get closer to your destination?

Why is it that if you step on someone’s foot, they open their mouth? Isn't that just like a garbage can?

Aren’t pregnant women the only true body builders?

Isn’t searching online for a new laptop basically forcing your current computer to dig its own grave?

Is the swimming pool aboard the Titanic still full?

What would you choose If you had to decide between a diet or a piece of chocolate? Would you choose dark, white or milk chocolate?

Are organized people just too lazy to search for stuff?

If you stand outside, does that mean you’re outstanding?

Of course money alone won’t make you happy. Don’t you have to own it first?

Would the leading source of computer problems be computer solutions?

Doesn’t expecting the unexpected make the unexpected expected?

Isn’t a Beauty Parlour just a place where women curl up and dye?

Why is it that chickens are the only animal you eat before they are born AND after they are dead?

Isn’t dust just mud with the juice squeezed out?

Is an egotist just someone who is usually me-deep in conversation?

Aren’t mosquitos just an insect that makes you like flies better?

Are secrets just stories you tell to one person at a time?

Why do flightless birds have wings if they never use them?


Take Care and Keep Thinking,
Don Fowler, A Gadzillion Things To Think About
Send Contributions to: dcfowler@interbaun.com