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Last Updated on 06-Jan-2016
Category: Technology

Topic: Software

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    1. If Ignorance is Bliss then why aren't there more happy Windows 95 users? (Contributed by Don F.)
    2. Do witches run spell checkers? (Contributed by Don F.)
    3. Why doesn't DOS ever say "EXCELLENT command or filename"? (Contributed by Don F.)
    4. What kind of locks do computer keys open? (Contributed by Don F.)
    5. Does a broken Window get you 7 meg. of bad luck? (Contributed by Neil Enns)
    6. Why do most software developers call bugs they can't fix features? (Contributed by Vanbooven)
    7. In DoubleSpace can anyone hear your data scream? (Contributed by Vanbooven)
    8. Just what kind of idiots does Microsoft take us for? (Contributed by Mike)
    9. When new software comes out it's the ALPHA version. After hastily made corrections the BETA version comes out. Why is the next version the Final or Production version even when it still contains bugs? Do software companies not know the third letter of the Greek alphabet? (Contributed by Ryoga)
    10. Why is it that to stop Windows95 you have to click on "Start"? (Contributed by Scott Bryce)
    11. Why do they call it Microsoft Works? Were they dreaming or what? (Contributed by Luke Davis)
    12. Should Bill Gates buy some Raid to get the bugs out of Windows '98? (Contributed by The Vent on AccessAtlanta.com)
    13. What happened to Windows 4 to 94? (Contributed by Alex Petty)
    14. Does anyone else hate it that spellcheck won't clear y'all? (Contributed by Keith Sullivan)
    15. Will the next generation of UNIX (jUNe IX) be called ULIX (jULy IX)? (Contributed by Kristofer Magnusson)
    16. It is expected that the Year 2000 bug will cause problems with Microsoft operating systems. But with all the other problems it already has will anyone ever notice? (Contributed by RWP)
    17. Why is it that 80 meg programs crash on installation only after they are 98% complete? (Contributed by RWP)
    18. Why is the Year 2000 virus called the 'Millennium Bug' when the new millennium doesn't start until 2001? (Contributed by Greg Eccleston)
    19. Is it against the law for Americans to refer to the Year 2000 virus as the Y2K virus since they're not using the metric system yet? (Contributed by Don F.)
    20. Isn't all software user-friendly if you know what you're doing? (Contributed by catweasel)
    21. Does Bill Gates have screens on his windows? (Contributed by mmcguckin)
    22. If the human eye can only distinguish nearly eight million different colours then why does Windows software have a 16 million colours option? (Contributed by Steve B.)
    23. If hugs and kisses are represented by x's then isn't it a bit sarcastic that Microsoft software always shows those little red x's as an error message whenever something seriously goes wrong? (Contributed by Don F.)
    24. If fortune cookies tell us 'Outlook not so good', then why does Microsoft still sell it? (Contributed by Tom Singer)
    25. Virus Scanners. They use up your memory. They slow your computer down and they get bigger every month. Does anybody see a problem here? (Contributed by Ryoga)
    26. Will Artificial Intelligence systems and smarter home computers eventually result in asking 'Which came first, the program or the compiler'? (Contributed by Joel Leano)
    27. What do you do if your virus checker gets infected by a virus? (Contributed by David U.)
    28. Is it true that it was easy for God to create the world in 7 days simply because he didn't have to deal with any Legacy systems? (Contributed by Michael Bell)
    29. Will companies archive their Y2K fix programs after they're done with them? If so, why? Do they really think their programs will be used again 1,000 years from now? (Contributed by Don F.)
    30. Did someone forget to warn NASA about using Microsoft Windows on their space probes? (Contributed by The Vent on AccessAtlanta.com)
    31. Isn't 'testing' the act of paying people to find the defects that you paid other people to create so that you can pay more people to fix them so that you can pay even more people to test them again? (Contributed by James S. Huggins)
    32. Without 'C' wouldn't we have to program in 'Basi' and 'Pasal'? (Contributed by FortOgden)
    33. How long is this beta guy going to keep testing our stuff? (Contributed by FortOgden)
    34. Is there a reason why there's no 'os' in Windows? (Contributed by T.L.)
    35. If Windows is user-friendly, then why do you need to read a 672 page manual? (Contributed by T.L.)
    36. Do you think that the day Microsoft makes something that doesn't suck will probably be the day they start making vacuum cleaners? (Contributed by Ernst)
    37. If Palm was testing software, would that program be a Palm Pilot pilot? (Contributed by The Duke of Endor)
    38. Why can't Norton make an anti-virus for this cold I've had for two weeks? (Contributed by The Vent on AccessAtlanta.com)
    39. If readme files were called 'dontreadme' files, would more people actually read them, if only to see what it is they don't want you to read? (Contributed by MissKrisJ2)
    40. Why does the Resource Meter on my computer tell me that 'like any program, the Resource Meter uses system resources while it is running' and 'this may cause your computer to run more slowly'? Isn't the whole reason I opened the Resource Meter to check that I'm NOT using too much of the system resources? (Contributed by Serra Duchi)
    41. Why does 'Microsoft' appear as a misspelling on the Microsoft Word spell-checker? (Contributed by The Vent on AccessAtlanta.com)
    42. Why does Windows call it a Recycle Bin when everyone is really trashing files they put in it? Most other Operating Systems call it a trash can or just Trash, don't they? (Contributed by Marz)
    43. Why does everyone buy the books for new versions of Windows when all versions function nearly identical to Windows 95? (Contributed by Marz)
    44. Why does the XP in Windows XP stand for extreme performance? Shouldn't it mean eXtremely Poor? (Contributed by Marz)
    45. If NT (as in Windows NT) stands for New Technology, why does Windows 2000 state that it is built on NT Technology? Isn't this saying built on New Technology Technology? (Contributed by Marz)
    46. Why do so many people pronounce GUI like gooey? After all, GUI is an abbreviation, therefore it should be pronounced Gee You Eye, shouldnít it? (Contributed by Marz)
    47. Why is everyone afraid of a Unix-derived Operating system? (Contributed by Marz)
    48. Exactly at what point in time did Microsoft convert us from "users" to "usees"? (Contributed by ezsa)
    49. Would the reason that anti-virus programs work be because they take up so much space on your computer that thereís no room left for any viruses? (Contributed by The Vent on AccessAtlanta.com)
    50. Does Norton send out viruses to promote its software? (Contributed by Sammie)
    51. Would the only way to make Windows faster be to throw it harder? (Contributed by Wiley)
    52. Is OS/2 only half an operating system? (Contributed by Wiley)
    53. Why do computer printers use a handwriting font? (Contributed by Hugh Pierce)
    54. Donít you agree that there is a great need for a sarcasm font? (Contributed by Michael)
    55. Arenít we all slightly terrified when we exit out of Word and it asks us if we want to save any changes to our ten page research paper that we swear we did not make any changes to? (Contributed by Michael)
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