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Last Updated on 06-Jan-2016
Category: Technology

Topic: Computers

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    1. If a food processor slices and dices food what does a word processor do? (Contributed by Don F.)
    2. Why is it that whenever a system becomes completely defined some fool discovers something which either abolishes the system or expands it beyond recognition? (Contributed by Don F.)
    3. Why does the computer auto-save while you are trying to delete? (Contributed by Don F.)
    4. Why do we want intelligent terminals when there are so many stupid users? (Contributed by Don F.)
    5. Does fuzzy logic tickle? (Contributed by Don F.)
    6. How come the users can find all the computer bugs and not the programmers or analysts? (Contributed by Don F.)
    7. Why do we trust computers when they make as many mistakes in two seconds as 20 people working 20 years make? (Contributed by Ken Booth)
    8. Is reading in the bathroom considered Multi-Tasking? (Contributed by Ryoga)
    9. Why do computer users only blink an average of 7 times per minute while the average person blinks 22 times per minute? (Contributed by D. Cashman)
    10. How come programmers find it so easy to master the special language that runs computers yet those same folks who write the technical manuals for the rest of us have no grip on simple English? (Contributed by Kerry Diotte The Edmonton Sun)
    11. Do files get embarrassed when they get unzipped? (Contributed by Sam P.)
    12. Why do they make those '. . . For Dummies' books? And if you really were a dummy would you have the sense to buy it? (Contributed by D.N.D.)
    13. If you put a computer in a very cold room would it get frost-byte? (Contributed by Mattan F.)
    14. What is with all this concern about computer illiteracy? Since when do we expect inanimate objects to read? (Contributed by J.J.)
    15. Why don't they make computers that will do what we think we want them to do? (Contributed by J.J.)
    16. Have you actually seen anybody use a laptop on their lap? Why don't they just call it a tabletop? (Contributed by Don F.)
    17. Were computers invented by God to teach people how to deal with constant frustration? (Contributed by Alex Petty)
    18. Isn't applying computer technology simply finding the right wrench to pound in the correct screw? (Contributed by Mystery Guest)
    19. Why does the computer always work perfectly at the repair shop? (Contributed by Jason Q)
    20. Why are the most useless computer tasks the most fun to do? (Contributed by Jason Q)
    21. Don't you think home computers are perfect for women who feel their husbands don't provide then with enough frustration? (Contributed by J. Wagner)
    22. When and how fast will the fastest computer possible be built? (Contributed by Warren Robicheaux)
    23. I know that owning your own computer workstation is expensive but does Mr. Gates have to keep reminding us by having the message 'now clearing out your cache' display in the status bar every so often? (Contributed by Don F.)
    24. Don't you think that artificial intelligence is no longer an emerging technology? After all my workstation has been doing strange things all on its own for some time now hasn't yours? (Contributed by Don F.)
    25. If you want to set your password to '******' how do you prevent it being shown when you type it in? (Contributed by Don F.)
    26. Why is it that some people will resend the same fax five times when the machine says it did not go through and STILL not call to see if the other person's fax machine is working? And better yet why are these same people the first ones to contact the support people the minute one of their e-mails doesn't go through? (Contributed by Limey)
    27. When my computer tells me that I have 'performed an illegal operation' which government agency will indict me for malpractice? (Contributed by Nick Maietta)
    28. Does ANYONE ever read all the way through a computer manual? (Contributed by Bill Becwar)
    29. Why does the computer only crash when you're on a tight deadline? (Contributed by Laurel)
    30. Why do people always type 'This is a Test'? Why can't it ever be an exam? (Contributed by Don F.)
    31. When they fix the Y-to-K problem for the Year 2000 will the months be named Januark, Februark, Mak, and Julk? (Contributed by Don F.)
    32. If Y2K is going to be such a big problem why don't we just skip that year? Isn't this what we do all the time when someone asks for our age? (Contributed by The Vent on AccessAtlanta.com)
    33. Is a computer virus covered by Medicare? (Contributed by The Vent on AccessAtlanta.com)
    34. When your computer has an error, what do you click on if you are not OK with it? (Contributed by Ryan Woosley)
    35. If it's really a supercomputer, how come the bullets don't bounce off when I shoot it? (Contributed by The Covert Comic)
    36. Why is something redundant usually a bad thing, except in computers? (Contributed by Steven LaPha Jr.)
    37. When are they going to stop fooling around with microprocessors and start making them full size? (Contributed by Randy Lyons)
    38. You know how they can build computers according to what you want installed on it? Has anyone ever thought to ask for a cassette player? (Contributed by Ashley G.)
    39. How come my 'quick reference' manual is 120 pages long? (Contributed by Docu-Type)
    40. How come the only chip inside my computer is a Dorito? (Contributed by Docu-Type)
    41. Sure, computers make it easy to do a lot of things, but how come most of the things they make easier to do, don't need to be done in the first place? (Contributed by Andy Rooney)
    42. Why is it that when my computer freezes, it won't let me click or type anything, and then when I hit the reset button, it tells me that to avoid errors I should have shut down properly? Just how is this possible? (Contributed by Jason McCann)
    43. Why is there a turbo button on some computers? Are there honestly people out there who don't use them and want their computer to go slower? (Contributed by Ossie Michelin)
    44. Why is it that 3.5 inch disks are called floppies even though they're hard? (Contributed by Sailor P-chan)
    45. Why is it that we sit in front of our TV and behind our computer? (Contributed by Herman)
    46. Isn't there proof that they had computers in Biblical times? Didn't Eve have an Apple? (Contributed by T.L.)
    47. Is anybody else aware that you can also play solitaire with something called a deck of cards? (Contributed by Don F.)
    48. When you get the message 'Bat FAT' displayed on your monitor, does that mean your computer has high cholesterol? (Contributed by Nancy Carson)
    49. Why is it good to have computers on a network, when the net seldom works? (Contributed by Judy Stockrahm)
    50. Does anyone know what the 'scroll lock' key does? If computers are so modern, why do we still use scrolls? (Contributed by Colin)
    51. Should people with sore throats be banned from using computers? After all, they are hackers, aren't they? (Contributed by Don F.)
    52. Why do people refer to their computers as being 'user-friendly'? Has anyone ever seen their friends go into a coma all of a sudden, without any reason? Or heard them say, 'man, you perform illegal operations'? Does this mean I'm an outlawed under-cover agent? (Contributed by Salto)
    53. How come your computer constantly crashes when you're just about to save your work? (Contributed by D. Thornton)
    54. Why do we say a computer CRASHES when it actually stays intact? Shouldn't we say it IMPLODES, since everything inside of the computer dies? (Contributed by Valerie)
    55. Why, when I use my computer in my house with the central heating on full blast, do I sweat, but my computer still freezes? Can't they make them with anti-freeze? (Contributed by Jake S Z Benny)
    56. Does it count as a computer crash if you toss it on the floor out of frustration? (Contributed by The Vent on AccessAtlanta.com)
    57. To strengthen security, most passwords require both alphabetic and numeric characters, right? So how many 'words' do you know that actually include numbers in them? Shouldn't they be called something else besides passWORDS? (Contributed by Don F.)
    58. If you're in the Safe Mode on your computer, and you get out of it, are you now in the Unsafe Mode? (Contributed by Crazy Frosty)
    59. Why is it that when your computer freezes, you keep on pushing more and more buttons? (Contributed by Cam)
    60. Why do computers only tell you when you're doing something wrong but never when you're doing something right? (Contributed by Henry Evans)
    61. Do you get sick leave for computer viruses? (Contributed by Aaron Gon)
    62. Why do computers have a power and a wakeup button, but no 'reboot' button? (Contributed by Valerie)
    63. Why do you always have to press 'Start' to log off? (Contributed by Dani A and Sam U)
    64. Why do they build computers with semiconductor chips? Wouldn't they work better with full conductors? (Contributed by Peter Goodyear)
    65. Why do you DELETE something on the computer, but ERASE something on paper? (Contributed by Charlie)
    66. If you turn off the 'save settings on exit' on your computer, how does it know to save that setting? (Contributed by Mikael)
    67. When did the command ERASE change to DELETE? (Contributed by Marz)
    68. What is the term for fear of Unix? (Contributed by Marz)
    69. What is the term for hatred of Windows? (Contributed by Marz)
    70. If IBMs have Bugs, do APPLEs have Worms? (Contributed by Wiley)
    71. Too much dust kills your computer, right? So how come there arenít filters to change? (Contributed by Douglas Karr)
    72. Should you trust a computer that you can't throw out a window? (Contributed by Steve Wozniak)
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dcfowler@interbaun.com

Sherwood Park, Alberta, Canada
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