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Last Updated on 06-Jan-2016
Category: Sports

Topic: Golf

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    1. Is the reason most people play golf simply because it gives them a chance to wear clothes they would not be caught dead in otherwise? (Contributed by Don F.)
    2. Why don't golf courses have CAT legs too? (Contributed by Don F.)
    3. Why are there no erasers on the pencils used for miniature golf? (Contributed by Dan B.)
    4. Why is it that garden-variety golfers will shell out a thousand bucks for a driver they use 10 times per round (with a head on it as large as a butternut squash) yet they'll gripe about paying $200 for a putter they use three times as much? (Contributed by Kerry Diotte The Edmonton Sun)
    5. Why don't golfers shout FIVE or SIX? (Contributed by santos)
    6. Where are the most lies told? On the golf course or to the IRS? (Contributed by J.J.)
    7. If there were no golf balls how would we measure hail? (Contributed by J.J.)
    8. Why do golfers get so violently upset if you happen to pick up their golf ball by mistake? Isn't it suppose to be a game for relaxation? (Contributed by J.J.)
    9. How come golfers yell 'four' take 'five' and write down 'three'? (Contributed by J.J.)
    10. Why do golfers blame fate for most accidents but feel personally responsible when they make a hole-in-one? (Contributed by Al B.)
    11. Why do golfers shout 'Fore'? Shouldn't they yell 'Get out of the way'? (Contributed by Alex Petty)
    12. Did you ever see a golfer pick up a golf ball and comment on how much it looks like the size of a hail stone? (Contributed by W.J. Newhart)
    13. Is the reason the game is called GOLF because all the other four letter words were taken? (Contributed by Rip)
    14. Isn't golf a lot like taxes? Don't you drive hard to get to the green and then wind up in the hole? (Contributed by Nancy Carson)
    15. If all the fun of golf is in hitting the ball why do you have more fun the less times you hit it? (Contributed by Teak)
    16. Wouldn't miniature golf be more popular if they gave a $275,000 reward for getting a hole-in-one like they do in the Masters Tournament instead of just a free game? (Contributed by Deidre Sams)
    17. How come people don't want to be 'below par' EXCEPT when they're playing golf? (Contributed by Bernard Rich)
    18. Why do golfers have to wear trousers and a shirt with an alligator on it? (Contributed by Jelico B.)
    19. Why do people want to hit a small ball with a stick and chase it around? (Contributed by Jelico B.)
    20. Do pediatricians play miniature golf? (Contributed by Bill Edwards)
    21. Why on a golf course is the area around the hole called the 'green'? Isn't everything green? (Contributed by Funny Mail)
    22. If Gary Player, the South African golfer, became a naturalized U.S. citizen, would he be an 'African American'? (Contributed by Bob Pease)
    23. Is a handicapped golfer a man who plays golf with his wife? (Contributed by Jim Moore Jr.)
    24. Isn't it true that golf is a game in which the slowest people in the world are those in front of you, and the fastest are those behind you? (Contributed by Rubin)
    25. In primitive society, when native tribes beat the ground with clubs and yelled, it was called witchcraft, but in civilized society today, don't we call the same thing golf? (Contributed by Rodney & Cathy's Joke List)
    26. Why do golf balls have dimples? (Contributed by MailBits.com)
    27. Why, on TV, is there always golf right after auto racing? Haven't you noticed that, at least on the ABC Network, that they proudly announce that there will be a golf game 'next', after the auto race? (Contributed by Amishman)
    28. Don't golfers have an advantage over fishermen? Golfers donít have to bring anything home when they brag about what they did, do they? (Contributed by Terry Galan)
    29. Considering the number of golf balls that golfers lose, have you ever wondered whether peanuts are really sun-dried golf balls? (Contributed by John Foster)
    30. Does anybody find it odd that the people who gave us golf and called it a game are the same people who gave us bagpipes and called it music? (Contributed by S.S.)
    31. How come a gymnast can do backflips on a four inch balance beam with 10,000 people watching and music blaring in her ears, but a golfer can't hit a stationary ball if someone clicks a camera shutter? (Contributed by Tim Keown)
    32. How come the only thing you can learn from golf books is that you can't learn anything from golf books? And how come you have to read an awful lot of golf books to learn it? (Contributed by Terry Galan)
    33. Do they use a fore cylinder engine in golf carts? (Contributed by Apiarist)
    34. How come your best golf shots always occur when playing alone? (Contributed by The Duke of Endor)
    35. How come you can't drive golf carts on the freeway? (Contributed by Art Harden)
    36. Don't you think golfers are mean when they hit the birdies? (Contributed by Janis G.)
    37. Why do people think Golf is a game or sport? Isnít Golf really gardening with the wrong tools? (Contributed by C.C.)
    38. Are golf caddies tee totallers? (Contributed by Joe)
    39. Isnít the best wood in most amateursí golf bags the pencil? (Contributed by Chi Chi)
    40. Isnít golf just an expensive way of playing marbles? (Contributed by Buddy)
    41. Arenít there just three ways to improve your golf game: take lessons, practice constantly or start cheating? (Contributed by Buddy)
    42. Arenít amateur golfers the ones who address the ball twice? Once before swinging and once again after swinging? (Contributed by Buddy)
    43. Would the reason that many a golfer prefers a golf cart to a caddy be because it cannot count, criticize or laugh? (Contributed by Buddy)
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Send to Don Fowler
dcfowler@interbaun.com

Sherwood Park, Alberta, Canada
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